A Better Kind of Hater

My birthday is coming up. See the list of things I need to do to become a better hater person.

1. Stop being so cynical: The world is full of beautiful things. Like Steven Segal's man breasts. And the world is filled with hope, much like the hope I had that Heather Mill's leg would fly off on Dancing With The Stars and hit Joey FatOne in the head. I know she wanted to pelt it at him. Bye Bye Bye.

2. Stop being so emotionally defensive: You know the drill, you feel slighted so you slight back. You feel hurt so you close yourself off. You feel fucked so you don't give one. You appear on a sex tape with Ray J and get fucking Reggie Bush. (How?)

3. Stop writing bad poetry: On my old blog I murdered souls with my gut wrenching poetry. Alas, no more. I'll just post that Lil' Cease vid every chance I get. Same results, less work.

4. Learn to accept people for who they are: People are human and they don't exactly have to live up to my standards in order for me to feel that they care about me. You know that episode of Ugly Betty where Betty's sister "Latina Stereotype Number 827" told her she was too hard on her friends? I can totally relate. And also, I need to accept that people are human, and they make mistakes. We can't all have contraceptives at the ready. I forgive you mom!

5. Judge lest ye be judged when ye lest be judged by ye: Don't hate, you know Asia totally deserved to win the Pussycat Dolls Search. Yeah I said it! Transvestite my can!