Things That Feel (So Damned) Good Are Bad For You...

Let's face it, life is a beautiful tease and an ugly ass let down. Everyone thinks they can be happy, but the truth is, you really can't be. The best you can aspire to be grumpily content, settling for comfort without too much stimulation or excitement.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. This is a list of shit that makes you feel great but is really bad for you. The world hates you if you do MOST of this stuff, but secretly they all want to do it themselves.


Eating Unhealthy: aka "Eating regular shit"

No meat, go organic, nothing fried, sugar is the devil blah blah blah. Guess what? Vegetables taste like crap. And organic food is so fucking expensive. Do you know why most poor people are fat and unhealthy? It's because no one can afford to go to Whole Foods. No one has money for a bag of whole wheat organic no carb flour when they can buy ten dollars of fried chicken and feed like five people.

Let's face it, "bad" shit tastes good even though it gives you diabetes and cancer. And because it tastes good, it makes you feel good too. Oh but it will kill you. Carry on.


Sex: aka "doin' whoever you want/whenever you want"



Everyone has to be so damned responsible for their bodies, and the bodies of others. Oh God, AIDS and the clap and the boogey man virus. Yikes! Well guess what? 1 in 4 people have herpes. Everyone has fucking HPV. And unprotected sex feels so good. I mean, damn. It's so awesome.

Yes this is so politically incorrect. But I'm so telling the truth, and you know it. That being said, it will fucking kill you. It's at the point where I'd rather catch HIV than herpes. If I come up like Magic, I can beat the virus...but herpes? That's just nasty.


Yes, to answer your question (or the question you should be asking yourself, unless you already know the answer) I AM IGNORANT. (And Bitter)

Oh and let's not forget those unwanted babies. That'll kill you too. Well it will kill me. If I find out I'm pregnant, I'm making a Bleach Cosmo and calling it a good night folks. Fuck an abortion. They're for suckers. Y'all in this together, you just can't hit the "eject" button 'cause you want to. Black Hawk Down! Leave no man behind!




Love:aka "You Sucka"




Okay, so this is the thing on the list that no one will condemn you for. But you'll be sorry you've ever done it folks. Love is not an illusion, it's real. No question. It's beautiful and pure and perfect. But human beings aren't. We always fuck up the application process. It's like trying to put together an IKEA bookcase without the right instructions. Sure we all think we have the right instructions, but the ones we have are in Japanese. And even the Japanese don't know how to do it either. That's a shocker huh?

What am I talking about again? Oh yeah. We're all doomed. Love has killed more people than fifty holocausts. Love is the Uber-Hitler.




Alcohol & Controlled Substances: aka, "The Devil"



So what's killing Amy "Rehab" Winehouse and your uncle? You already know. But life sucks so hard that the only way you can have a little fun is to get fucked up out of your mind.

Oh wait, that's just me?

Nevermind. Off to my intervention. I got that Lindsay Lohan, Man.